Monday, October 4, 2010

We're ready.

Well, we have an exciting few weeks ahead of us folks. In as little as 3 weeks I will have a brand new baby, here, with me, at home, to take care of, to raise, to teach, to love, and hopefully to not fuck up. I say "as little as" when really she could come at any point now and be perfectly healthy, ready to go. She will be full term in 3 days.

It seems like yesterday I got my big, fat positive from peeing on a stick. Well, some days it feels like yesterday, other times I feel I've been pregnant forever. I actually think it went by a lot faster than I've let on. It seems like it dragged on, when in reality it has flown by. In a couple of weeks (at the most) I wont be pregnant anymore. I wont get to feel her move around in my belly. I wont get to watch my belly jump when she has the hiccups. I wont be the only one who gets to bond with her 24 hours a day. I'm a little sad that it's coming to an end, but I'm so ready to meet her.

I can't wait to see what she looks like, how she smells, what her personality will be like. Will she be like me, or like her dad? Will she be a good baby? Will she sleep through the night at an early age, or stay awake all night for the first year of her life? Will she be a big baby, or will she be little? Will she be quiet or will she scream at the top of her lungs at all hours of the day? I don't know. These are all things that I wonder on a daily basis. I'm ready to meet her... to have my questions answered.

I worry about labor. How will I do? Does it really hurt as badly as everyone says? How high is my pain tolerance? I would absolutely love to give birth to her naturally, with no drugs, but I honestly doubt I'll be able to do that. I would love to be able to get up and walk around as soon as shes made her arrival. I will do what I can as far as lasting through the pain before I get the epidural. Maybe I'll surprise myself and be able to do it. You never know. However, I will NOT be disappointed in myself if I'm unable to do it naturally. My plan all along has been to get an epidural, so I'll let you know what happens in the end.

Post par-tum also scares the shit out of me. The healing part. I can only imagine how much pain I will be in. OUCH. To quote Look Who's Talking I'm going to be "pushing something the size of a watermelon out an opening the size of a lemon." Again, ouch! I know it will be worth it, and I'll be home constantly to heal, but then again there's all the gross shit that happens....yeah I don't want to get into that right now.

What if I have to have a c-section? Not being able to hold her as soon as she makes her appearance. After carrying her around for 9 months, I want to hold her in my arms as soon as possible. Before anyone else. Call me selfish, I don't care. Then I'd have to get stitched up, and all that jazz while she gets whisked off to the nursery to get cleaned up, and Chad would leave me to be with her. I don't want that. I want the 3 of us to spend the first moments of her life together. Daddy, mommy, baby bonding. Not daddy, baby, and nurse bonding while mommy is on the other side of the hospital getting wheeled to recovery. Then there's that...recovery. After they cut me open and mess around with my guts only to shove them back in. I'm sure that doesn't feel good afterward. Would I even be able to stand up straight? I doubt it. Anyhow, we shall see what happens.

All in all, I'm really excited. I can't wait to be a mom. I can't wait to be a family. I can't wait to meet our daughter. I really hope she comes sooner than we expect. So feel free to send labor dust our way. <3

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